Dada.... Daddy.... Papa..... Tatay.....
These are only some of the terms we call our fathers, the other half of the couple that made possible for our very own existence. He's the one who together with our mothers have painstakingly sacrificed all of their own just to make sure their children are okay.
While most of the people celebrated Father's Day last Sunday, I could not. My eyes were almost always about to shed a tear in the entirety of the day. Not just because I am not feeling well but also because with that special day, I just remembered my beloved father. I promised not to cry during the day but I could not. The past month or so was just painful and sad. May 6 was the day he died. May 10 was when he was brought to his final resting place. June 10 was his birthday - first time he's not with us. And then June 19 was this year's Father's Day.
Tatay may have not been the picture perfect dad, but he was more than enough. I missed everything about him - from his jokes, his laughs, his sometimes differing views with most of us, his sweet thoughts, his friendly ways to people and his love for all of us especially my nanay. Well, as I am writing this, my tears are falling endlessly. I was not there when he died. I wished I was with him. I know he knows that I love him but it could've meant much more if I was able to utter it and him to hear it. A big chunk of our hearts is still hurting and trying to mend. His loss was something we never pictured to come this early.
Ganun pala kapag nawawalan kayo ng mahal sa buhay. Kahit paulit-ulit ninyong sabihin sa sarili na handa na kayo, pag nandya na hindi pa pala... It will be a long way before we can actually fully recover. But I am staring to. Letting him go was a better choice. At least, he won't be suffering more. He's now in peace. It would be difficult to let go of such a wonderful person but I guess it is time. I'll see you when the time comes. I will only let go but will not forget.
"Tatay, kung nasaan man kayo, gusto kong ulitin sa inyo na MAHAL NA MAHAL KO KAYO. Hindi ko makakalimutan lahat ng mga itinuro ninyo sa amin. Sana'y patuloy ninyo kaming bantayan lalo na po si nanay...."