IT'S REALLY YOU

We had a fight... Thought it was the end of the world...

I left the house immediately and begun searching. Where should I start? Is there any way I can stop the pain? I am hurt that night and all I could do is walk and breathe... walk and breathe... walk and breathe.... It was like my brain was not functioning anymore yet I can feel the rush of blood into my brain and the plunge and height of every heart beat. we have never fought like this before. It was like the end of the world for me.

The night passed and still I can't find a place to sleep. I was just sitting at a cafe while staring at the blankness. I knew there were a lot of people but I did not feel any of them. Numbness embraces me like I never had any emotions. Tears were just falling and I can't tell them to stop.

The night ended with me not sleeping by a bit. The rays of the sun welcomed me yet I feel empty and not ready for the new day. No calls, no texts... Nothing.... I felt alone for the first time in my life. Never thought that what we have would just end like that.

And then, the afternoon came and a text message greeted me with much delight. "Can we talk?", says the message. Without hesitation I said yes. My heart was pounding while waiting for our meeting. Then, slowly coming from afar, there he was. And when we met, simple words came out of his mouth. "Sorry." "I'm sad without you." "I don't want us to fight again." And my heart just crumbled. It's really YOU.

DANGEROUSLY IN LOVE

Krispy Kreme. That's where I am right now. Sitting and waiting for my office time.
As I try to sit alone and think of whatever God given topic to write in my blog, Beyonce's song suddenly came out playing. The song is the one I love the most. "Dangerously In Love"

As if I could relate to the song. Well, yes! I am a romantic and will continue loving until the last breath of my life. I live to love and express it. Sometimes, it might seem as too much but practically it's me. That is who I am. Dangerously In Love. Or maybe just willing to give out all in the name of love.

WAITING FOR MY RAINBOW BEND

2011 was off to a great start for me as things are falling into their places one by one. But suddenly things changed. Darkness once again looms...

Just when I thought the showers of blessings won't stop, then suddenly a storm of problems creep in... slowly flooding out the happiness with never ending sorrow and grief. I have been in too many emotional roller coasters and yet I am back in familiar territory yet again. The barrage of rain falling coupked by the rage of the strong winds just won't cease. Helplessly I sit and cry... And then I held my head up and looked at the dark sky.

"It'll soon end!" Now, it's just time to wait for my rainbow bend...

CHRISTMAS IS A TIME FOR EVERYONE

Since we can't deny the fact that the Christmas season and the holiday times is already here, I would be doing a barrage of personal notes in the next few days as well as part of me showing that I truly love the people I have had nice times with - my family, friends (then and now), acquaintances and everyone else in between.

This is a season of merrymaking and sharing. We don't only share presents but more importantly love and smiles. The world is created not for one person to live alone but to share it with others. To all the people I love so dear, the following posts will be specially for you. Happy Holidays everyone!

SOCIAL NETWORKS: SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

In this fast paced world we are in today, Social Networking sites are forming a big part of our daily lives. There's Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Friendster, Blogger. Wordpress, Multiply and a whole lot of other networking sites. Often times we turn to these sites to share emotions much like an online diary. We also do stuff here like announcements of reunions, events or anything under the sun. Some also use to join contest, promote sites and even sell products. While for most, these sites serve as a way to gain more friends, acquaintances and networks.

But while this is becoming a regular thing for us, we should always think that what we post reflects who we are. We should be held responsible for the things we utter and things we tell since what we type in and post is gonna be seen not just by our friends but the entire Philippines and even the whole world. Take for example the mistweet of "Tim Yap" on the lotto winner just few days back. A wrong post or misinformed tweet could lead to a chaotic life for those who will be affected. We should know what to post and which ones not.

I SUPPORT FACEBOOK : VIOLENCE AGAINST CHILDREN

This week, an ongoing campaign was pushed in the social networking site Facebook. The drive asks people to change their profile picture to a cartoon character of their childhood and maintain that profile picture until Monday, December 6, 2010.

I fully support this endeavor and has made sure that I change my pic right away. And so I changed mine to Kenshin Himoura of Samurai X. He is my favorite anime character of all time and I have grown watching that series on TV. As the taglines in facebook says - "Change your facebook profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood and invite your friends todo the same. Until Monday there should be no human faces on facebook, but an invasion of memories. This is for violence against children.". How about you, have you changed yours already? Hello Kitty? Gokou? Doraemon? Optimus Prime? Batman? It does not matter which character you choose, but doing so makes your voice be heard.

DREAM... NIGHTMARE...REALITY... LIFE...

Four big words that has actually made a big part of me in the past 2 years. Dream... Nightmare... Reality... Life...

I am a relative dreamer. The stars seems to always fascinate me. I love to go up and be known, be famous, be affluent and become the best in my chosen field. I was way up there and doing fine when I was working with this wonderful company before. For people who has known me for quite a while, they know what company it is. All the stuff are going my way. I am paid really good and I have lots of other benefits that really flooded me everyday. It was happy and wonderful. Never thought that all of which can be zapped into oblivion. DREAM

My health and my parent's health as well failed me. They are sickly but I could not do anything as I became sickly as well. I lost a career. My road to success did not just got a u-turn but a complete road bloak along the way. It struck me that no one knows if he/she is gonna be hit by sickness. There I was - painfully trapped into a heart ailment. I could see everything fading away. I have lost a lot - friends, money, self-belief and all. My debt started to pile up and got tangled into a lot of financial woes. It was the worst that it could get. NIGHTMARE

I fought my way to go out of my sickness. I went into a series of therapies and thankfully has been given a new breath of life. But recovery was rather painful and difficult. With only the few trusted ones beside me and the dwindling cash on hand, all I could do is scuttle my way back and try to live each day as it pass by. REALITY

Struggles here and there, tears, pain... Name it and I experiences it in the past 2 years. The year 2010 is nearing its close and I hope the new year will spell a new brightness into my shrouded life. Oftentimes I want to give up but my family, my best friend and some of the few people I am close constantly help and make their way to ensure I'll be fine. I'm getting by the day - channeling my energy into writing and doing things that I like while I try to get back to work. That's the beauty of it, we get to the top, we fall to the bottom, sometimes even falling deeper than the rear but there's always chance to go up once again. LIFE

OBLIVIATE: IF ONLY I COULD

Yes, if only I could I would have already made this spell - to erase all memories and to make people forget.

I want to wake up one day without nothing - a true start from scratch. I am willing to give up everything just to make a brand new life - a fresh beginning. It was rather a difficult two years and somehow I am slowly losing the will to survive, the strength to carry on, the hope for a better day. I have tried my best to live anew but each day has turned into bigger challenges - sometimes unfathomable, oftentimes very difficult. A lot of people say I am strong but strength depletes. I am just a human being - prone to breakdowns, fatigue and tears. I don't wanna live another day with false hopes. It's just gonna haunt me forever. What has happened in the past 2 years? I don't know. All I know was that it continue raining down on me. My body, my mind and my soul want to give up. If only I could cast a spell, then I would.

Obliviate....

Photo Credits: http://sensitivelight.com/

TEARS AND CRIES

It just hit me when I saw this post from one of my friends in Facebook. "No one is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry." This is indeed true. We should not have ourselves cry too much for just a single person. if that person really loves us, he or she will have the conscious effort of trying not to make us weep.

Many might argue that they will be there even if they make you cry and will just comfort you in times of pain. But for me, why make people you love cry when you can make them happy all the time. I don't believe it is impossible. The main idea of love itself is enough to bring about smiles. If you really love and value a person they should never shed a tear. For if they do, then the pureness of the emotion is tarnished. Tears dry up and disappear but the pain caused by the weeps remain for so long.

STOP

I like the fast pace of life in general. I usually find idle time boring and uncalled for. Being on the go and making myself available on any activity is usually my cup of tea. But recently I have come to a point where I actually don't know what to do anymore. Bummer... Wow, I never thought it would occur to me ever.

So I stopped, paused and let everything in motion take a break. I felt the warmth of the sun touching my skin. I heaved a nice breath and smelled the things around me. Ijust sat down and took a break. With eyes wide shut, all I did was rest. I have never expected it to be this nice. I never thought taking a breather is all the worthwhile. I couldn't believe not doing anything is surreal.

After that, it seemed as if my mind cleared a bit. Then I opened my eyes and stared at the beauty around me. Life is indeed wonderful and I am lucky to be given this gift. Now, the pause is over. Time to make and experience more things. Time to continue loving, sharing, living and smiling. Thanks for the momentary stop.

BITTER

BITTER
by Drama Princess

i’ve always been a romantic…

in dealing with a psychiatric patient, it’s a no-no to ask ‘WHY?’ so i applied the same principles to X’s and leave as fast as i could out of the same ground. holding on is the least correct thing to do when one said goodbye to you. so now, you wonder "why are u still there? ", forgetting about the first idea i just raised. You decided u did something wrong when u asked me why but u still wonder and u try harder to suck the sense u hope was left. but even sensibility is in scarce. we both ran out of words. and u try to start a small talk. i wasn’t the easiest person to deal with minus the broken heart, and i’m sorry u had to deal with me.

3 years ago, u know a love song would will always be followed by a sigh, a story of longing and countless tales of sweet moments radomnly picked from love stories, other love songs and hopeless daydreams. but gone was the heartbroken girl, torn and tattered by some not even deserving stupid jerk. sensibility, once more was abundant but asking why is still, quite not right. u wondered where i kept the scar of the wound we tried to stop bleeding.

yes, i’m changed. but quite not healed, for somewhere hidden behind my smiles is a wound still throbbing and in rare occassions, bleeding. i am still the same person. i am still the same girl. i only got used with pain, that it cannot shake me or break me anymore. i know, it worries u that my cynicism will make me bitter. i daresay not at all. because, i know somewhere out there is someone right for me. u see i never really lost hope. i’m just on the look out for someone real and right for me.

stop aching for me. will u? because i never lied when i said "i’ve always been a romantic…  it’s just that i never really had so much cause before to believe in to."

* Drama Princess is my high school classmate Love Hernandez. One of the more exquisite minds in terms of writing, this is one of her works.

For more of her posts: drama-princess.blog.friendster.com

EYES ON HEAVEN

One night, I was about to go to bed but could barely get to sleep. My eyes won't shut and my mind just won't rest. It seems like the day does not want to end. It was a day full of thinking and a whole lot of thoughts have crowded my already full and tired mind.

And then I looked outside and peaked through the window pane. There I saw the heavens and it was all red. I was left staring at the redness of the heavens covered by the darkness and fullness of the clouds. As if it was about to rain and the heavens have been by my side in this very time of distraught and chaos.

There I was looking and constantly staring at blankness. If only I could change things, then I would. But I can't. I'm still here on earth battling on and hoping the heavens will soon make its beautiful sunrise greeting. I did not notice how long the stares were. All I knew was the next thing I know was it was already morning.

2013… 30…

2013… 30…
By Bluecloud

The past few years have been really challenges and have caught its toll on me. As of now, I try to regroup, I try to rebuild and start anew. It seems as if I am picking up pieces of a puzzle scattered all over or I am restacking the building blocks that once was there and has already collapsed.

It would difficult but I want to start my life anew. My target would be 2013 – 3 years from now. On the time in between that and now, I’ll try to regain everything I have lost. I would patch up all holes and try my best to seize each and every opportunity. I only need a chance to begin once more. By that year I am already 30 and 3 decades full of life may be enough to really get back on track.

The wrongs will be corrected. The dreams will again be foreseen. And the hope and faith will continuously grow to enable a rise of a better me.

So 2013, please hang tight while waiting for me. For once we meet, I would ensure things would be better.

YOU ARE MY HEAVEN… AND MY HELL

YOU ARE MY HEAVEN… AND MY HELL

By Bluecloud

Blessed am I to have someone so utterly nice

From which I feel the comfort of one’s touch

Arms that constantly brings me up when I tumble

Shoulder to which I feel childlike never minding the tears

Cursed am I to have somebody so plainly bad

Of which I feel the stabs of an imaginary knife

Words that pierce like needles hurting one’s heart

Strangling me and then leaving me helpless

You are my heaven, it’s definitely true

Though still I feel that you are also my hell

But I don’t mind if you’re my heaven or you’re my hell

Coz’ I love you so much it does not matter at all

TRY

TRY

by Bluecloud

It has been a long time since I last played Asher Book’s Try and when I played it last weekend tears just went pouring down and I could not stop playing it on. I never thought I’d feel so emotional yet again. Try is a story of hope and love. It is a narrative of how one person will persevere just to get close to the person he/she loves. It is a selfless proclamation of one’s never dying emotion towards someone really special.

Even as I try to convince myself that I am not looking for anyone special in my life, it seems as if I am really fooling myself. Yes, I have family, friends and best friend but though they give the love, respect and care, sometimes it’s not enough. That single piece that’s missing is the love from that special someone. It’s like I am in a puzzle and has one tile piece that I can’t find.

As the song says, one should not get tired of looking. Try and try and who knows, love may be around the corner. It might be a long wait but one thing’s for sure – God has someone prepared for you. You’ll never know when it will come. It just strikes us unexpected. Love is never a tiring experience. Try and love and soon enough the heart will be showered with all its glory.

QUICKSAND

It has been tough and it remains to be...

What I feel is like I am in a quicksand. I am there for quite some time. My body is slowly being immersed to the void of the sand - little by little taking me out of sight. I struggle and continue to fight on. But to no avail. As I try to snag out of the quicksan I am only pushed further. One inch of a move outs me down 2 inches lower. I am trying my best to get out of the mess but as I push further that further I sink.

What can I do? What will I do. Maybe, all I have to do is stay and try to see what happens. Painful but it might be the only way around. I just need to continuously hope that the end is really near. I hope it would stop soon.

ARE YOU REALLY JUST 40%?

Are You Really Just 40%?

by Bluecloud

Decisions should be made. Choices should be done. But a lot of things need to be considered. Each one should be carefully weighed. Which ones are more compelling? Which of the options is better than the other?

On each day of our lives we are trapped with making decisions. It’s usually this or that. We can never choose both. We have to at least pick one and make the most out of that choice. Before making choices, we tend to lay down all the cards. The pros and the cons are equally laid to see which outweighs the other.

Is there a need to go? What holds me from going? I guess I know you are a big part of that. The fear that happiness may not be there is quite daunting. I’ll never leave for a place I know that I won’t be happy. Leaving has always been an option but the idea of not having to go really heightens. I don’t want to leave since because of various reasons – 30% is the uncertainty of life, 30% is family and 40% is YOU. But are you really just 40%? Maybe I’m just fooling myself that you are just 40 well indeed you are something more. Or maybe, just maybe, you’re the only reason why I can’t….

ONE LETTER: CHANCE

I recently bumped into someone new in my life…

Of course like what normal people who just met do, we talked and got to know each other’s basic info – name, age, etc…

But I have never thought that my life would change in a drastic way with this new found friend. I was shown how important I am. I was made to feel I am special. Never has a day passed that I was not happy. I found a new breather in life. For some people, they might not understand. I am different, as I always tell people, I am eccentric. I am someone who’s always out of the box. I have made a strong face in front of a lot of people. I want to make people believe that I am not weak and I can handle everything. But this someone has made me realize that it is normal to feel fragile sometimes – that crying is part of life and it is totally normal. I, for most of my life have been accustomed to being lonely. I was actually looking at it as if I was born to live a lonesome life. My friend slowly but surely pulled me off from the dark cave I am hiding. At first I was hesitant but I gave in. Never in my life have I been shown so much trust, care, love and respect. It is an emotional rollercoaster but I am willing to give it a ride each time. I am starting a new life and I know things will just keep on getting better. Why? because my friend is here with me all the way… My rollercoaster ride suddenly became more special ever since my friend came along. It is still indeed a rollercoaster but I know it’ll be safer, it’ll be more fun, it’ll be better and this time around I hope it never stops…

YOU ARE MY SANCTUARY

YOU ARE MY SANCTUARY
by Bluecloud


I’m about to fall adrift
In a sober mood as you may see
Almost dropping off
Like a log without a fight

Tears are just but normal
Pain is but ordinary
Hurt is something I’m used too
Death almost inevitable

But then you came along
Saved me from oblivion
Took my hand and held it
So tight keeping me near


Almost done but then you came
Rescued me out of the limbo
Use your body to shield me
Made sure I’ll be safer

You came along when I was down
No ifs no buts, you helped me out
Provided shoulder to cry on
Gentle arms to feel comfort

Constantly lifted my spirits
Always makes me smile
Tickles in a way I like
You never left me, not by a mile

Thanks for coming by
Always making sure I’m okay
You are indeed my sanctuary
Stay forever… please do…

LOVE NO MORE

LOVE NO MORE

by Bluecloud

My heart, it beats

So fast you can hear it

It says, it utters

One name, yours forever

My heart, it feels

The tenderness of each kiss

It wants, it craves

Only you, it heaves

My heart, it loves

So much so it gives

It asks, it yearns

Only love, to earn

My heart, it stops

No air, it tries to gasp

It halts, it fades

The love - no more it stays